im sort of excited about leaving for the smokies in the morning, but on the other hand i'd really like to see my baby before i go. :( it makes me sad that i wont get to see him. :( i planned on spending all day today with him and i can't. LAME!
i hate being without him. maybe i'll let a bear maul me just so i dont have to lie without him anymore. :/ nah i would never. but yeah i love ADAM CHRISTOPHER with every fiber of my being. :/ i really miss him a lot and want to wrap my arms around him oh so badly.

so much for happily ever after.

apparently life for me is impossible. and to think, i thought i could win in the end, but either there is no end or i always lose. it's ridiculous how onesided (well just not-my-sided) my life is. apparently my mom forcing me and adam to break up, though admittedly not her place, was also solely in MY best interest. thats right, the whole thing?! ALL ABOUT ME. funny cause im pretty sure if he wasnt the one for me i'd be fantastic right now and not completely miserable. i hardly eat, i toss and turn in my sleep, i have nightmares of him getting into an accident or being killed before i see him again. it's ridiculous how much i want him. if he was really as abusive and controlling as everyone's saying he is, i would be HAPPY with the current arrangement or RELIEVED as some may put it. but im not. not even in the slightest bit. and the major problem is i do a bad job of letting people in. i've tried and tried to show people how i feel, but im no good. obviously everyone knows im upset, but they dont see the MISERABLE me. it sucks, it really truly sucks. And the worst part is that i haven't exactly been the BEST girlfriend to ADAM either. but noone will sit down long enough for me to tell them about it.
UGHHHHH....akjdhfa;kseuriwernamsdfakuerwjnfakjsdhgur...I hate this all so much, i just want my boyfriend back. I would take having to be home at 6pm just in order to have him back. I would give almost anything to have things go back to the way they were.
kldfjlkaddfjlkajelwaenffuvkjwebrlisudvawunreaefoiucdvnameworuwer.
MY LIFE IS THE EPITOME OF HELL WITHOUT HIM.

eek.

EEEK.
i loveeeeeee blogging.
its even better than a cup of joe :)
i dont do it enough though :(
maybe now i'll keep up with it.